The colour of cheerfulness
by Lazuline Violet
Summary: Four children were fated, fated to be born with hope branded in the depths of their souls, to find solace, friendship, love in each other's hearts... To teach the world to believe in fairytales, to find the true colour of cheerfulness... S&S E
1. Prologue : Our world's lament

Ohayou minna-san ! I know some readers don't read author notes, but I need you to know some facts : this is the first fanfiction I attempt to write, I am not really an aspirant writer although I like expressing my thoughts and feelings by writing, so I write it to know if I can let people read my wordings, and if the answer to this question is negative, I will finish it and it will also be the last fanfiction I write. I want to see if my mediocre writing skills and nonsensical imagination can actually interest other people -, that's why I chose to remain anonymous - I want true opinions, not influenced by friendship or hate -, that's also why I chose a language I don't really speak and write fluently - I think so. I don't even have a spell-check program for the moment because of a problem stated in my bio if anyone cares, so I am sorry for possible misspellings and grammatical mistakes. Please review or e-mail me if you have any comments, questions, critics or advices to give me, I would be happy to know what you think of my writing.  
At last, I will most probably use a lot of symbolism in my writing, mostly concerning plants, so I will give all the meanings used ( if there are any ) at the beginning of each chapter, even if I explain a lot of them in the story. I will mainly use the European meanings of the symbols, though I might add Asian ones if they fit with my plot.

**Disclaimer** : Card Captor Sakura belongs to Clamp, Kodansha. I don't have any right over the original creation.

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**Prologue_ - Our world's lament_**

_Doesn't anyone hear the world crying ? The world weeps for its children' distress... It doesn't understand, doesn't understand why human beings, gifted with language, don't use it to communicate, bind their hearts with their mind and hide their feelings behind masks. Humans need solace, friendship, love... But they don't reach out to them, refusing to admit what they consider as a weakness, afraid to get hurt by rejection, not comprehending that restraining their emotions hurts far more than non-acceptance from others, that their hearts are bleeding, held back too tight by the ties they have woven themselves ... They wait, wait for the others to take the first step, they want to be sure of the others' sincerity before bonding with them, denying that the others might be waiting too, also fearing to be mocked for their need of reassurance... Some act friendly on purpose, because they know it can help them use others... Some have been used and abandoned when they weren't of help anymore, those ones' hearts broke or froze, out of despair, and their belief in honesty concerning feelings shattered. Only a few are brave enough to face their feelings, to go towards others, but they rarely succeed in finding true happiness, because their efforts are often taken for hypocrisy, because others think too much, think about the reason of their kindness, and when there is none, believe in these people's insanity. But then, if these people meet with those who pursue the same ideals, there may be a chance, a possibility for them to appreciate the sheer joy of living in this world... _

_The world stopped mourning. It has seen that tiny spark of hope... Hope ! How could it forget that ? The thing that made humans so special, the feeling that is peculiar to them ! It remembered those lines, sang by a young girl's clear voice, ages ago : "In times of darkness, don't ever forget it, there are stars shining in the midnight sky. Though they aren't as bright as the moon of silver, they aren't just a pale reflection of the sun's golden rays. Don't forget to smile, don't forget to dream, don't ever forget to hope. It takes courage, it takes strength, but those aren't lacking in a human's heart. If all of us keep wishing, if all of us keep trying, our hope will go flying across the lakes, rivers, seas and oceans, over the deserts, meadows, hills and mountains, making it's way through the overcast sky, higher and higher... And in the leaden skies, millions of fireflies will make the night brighter than any day...". _

_The world smiled, its children just needed to relearn how to trust and how to love, how to let their feelings free from their chains to dwell on their hearts... It decided to help a little, by doing something so insignificant that no one would notice it : it fated four children to be born with the mark of hope branded in the deepest layers of their souls, four children who will unconsciously lead the others to the mutual understanding they once shared, long ago. That doesn't mean those children won't suffer from fate's strikes, they will, as anybody on this earth, but they will be able, after grieving a long time, to realize their mistake and seek trust, help, friendship and love in each other's heart, until they find them. They may succeed, but it can't be taken for granted : fate is just a chain made with lots of small coincidences as links, in the end their lives can only be changed by themselves, by the choices made and the decisions taken, depending on how much they will free their hearts... The hope they have won't guarantee their happiness, but it can help them getting it. They will have to learn to believe in fairytales..._

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I know, no real allusions to the characters or story line... I just wanted to test my writing style, see if I would be able to write in English, to bring myself to continue this fanfiction. I think I can. That is, if anybody is interested... I hope my spelling or grammar mistakes don't make the understanding too hard... Please tell me what you thought of it.  
The next four chapters are going to be about the characters, each one telling about one of the four children in their point of view. I think the next one will be focusing on Syaoran. If it turns out to be like this, it will be called "Grieving over buttercups", sorry for the weird title, I hope my explaining will do...

_Ja ne !_

_Lazuline Violet_


	2. Part I Grieving over buttercups

Ohayou minna-san ! It's me again... First a huge thanks to my reviewers, you really gave me a lot of confidence in my ability to write ! I think I will be starting to develop a serious case of narcissism if you don't change your mind... Not that I'd like you to : ) Sorry for not updating earlier : my laptop really needed a virus scan, a firewall and Microsoft Office -I had to use the notepad to write my prologue , so when my father suggested to take it to his office in order to get those installed, I naturally seized the opportunity... without expecting that he would forget it there ! I sincerely hope I won't disappoint any of you... 

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**_Thanks_**

**Bluelotus** - _My first reviewer ever !!!! Thank you so much !!!! I didn't think that someone would really review my prologue... I know, I got carried away while writing it, I still have problems controlling myself, after all, this is my first try._

**Feathers1**_ - Thanks !!! Sorry for the slow update ! Good luck for your own fic' ! Don't worry, inspiration always find a way to come back, no matter how hard it is and how long it takes !!! Concerning the post-scriptum... I actually have something to confess : I don't have a plot. I just improvise while I write, wishing that I wouldn't create a situation I can't handle '_going swirly-eyed_'... I'm such a weirdo... :')_

**heheangel kisses** _- Sorry, sorry and sorry !!!! I could have updated at least a day earlier, but I didn't have my laptop... Thank you for finding it interesting ! Much luck for your writing !!_

**Rini-magic** _- Wow, thank you for all those compliments !!!! I feel like I REALLY don't deserve them at all trying to find a hole to hide in ! Is your fanfiction on hiatus ? If so, take heart, I'm sure you will find a way to finish it ! I don't really know so far if I will continue writing fanfiction, but I am determined to at least finish this one, even if there is only one person reading it : I don't want to leave anyone hanging, I've experienced that and didn't enjoy it. No offence to authors who lost their interest in writing, but I hope that won't ever happen to me._

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I've finished the first chapter : nothing can stop me when I am in a write-non-stop period, I guess... Well, that is as long as I have access to a computer or writing tools. It is now 1:16 in the morning and I couldn't sleep because I felt guilty for not updating quickly as I promised myself to... My apologies to those who like action : the chapters 1 to 4 are going to be descriptions of the characters life until their meeting. My chapters will all be approximatively around 1100 words in length ( excluding my interminable author notes _'sweat dropping'_ ), I don't know if this is short or long, it's just the type of chapter length I prefer reading. I know this one and the following 3 are most probably going to be boring for the readers, I am sorry for that, but I want to write freely and keep my ideas, so I won't change that. However, I will try to complete them quickly, but I want to see if anyone would still be interested after reading them.  
So, hoping this would be more interesting than the prologue ( not really believing that since my writing style hasn't changed ). As I expected it to be ( unsure about my mind's wanderings ), this chapter will focus on Syaoran's life, inner point of view...

**Disclaimer** : Card Captor Sakura belongs to Clamp, Kodansha. I don't have any right over the original creation.

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**_Symbols used in order of appearance_**

**_Erratum_**. _I realized that the floral language I know is actually the French one. Though most of the meanings are similar, some of them vary depending on the country or region. I hope this won't be too confusing_ '-';

**Plants**_  
_   
- buttercup ( flowers : golden yellow ) - _childhood spirit_  
- autumn crocus ( flowers : white, pink or purple ) - _nostalgia  
_ - marigold ( flowers : golden yellow ) - _grief, sadness_  
- chestnut tree ( autumn foliage : light brown, gold ) - _courage, deep melancholy_

**Note**. July's birthstone ( Syaoran's ) is ruby, which means "carefree". Not corresponding much to his personality... At least I think so. So I chose to explain that...

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_Wind... It dashed through the branches, freeing golden leaves, taking them along in its endless dance before carefully laying them down on the ground..._

_Leaves... As thousands of butterflies, wings set on fire by mischievous dryads, they accompanied the breeze's fanciful though whimsical movements, leaving the haven offered by outstretched boughs, swirling and soaring in the autumn sky before slowly descending after reaching the end of the path they chose to follow on their way to the heavens..._

_Since as long as I can remember, I've always had a particular liking for the days when autumn crocuses bloom. Don't ask me why, I wouldn't be able to answer. Maybe because of their meaning, "nostalgia"...Mother used to say that the falling leaves have deeply tinted my soul, seen through my marigold irises, giving it their sadness, and that the impish wind has forever messed my light brown hair, coloured by the profound melancholy of chestnut trees..._

**The shade of loneliness** - _**Chapter I : Grieving over buttercups**_

I was barely four when father died. I don't have clear memories of him, but I recall the feeling of strong arms throwing me high towards the azure, cloudless sky, the sound of joyful laughter, the scent of wet humus, and the sight of gilt leaves carried by the wind... Sometimes, I would still have dreams of his burial, but as time passed they became less and less frequent, less and less precise - apart from one scene, the last one, which I think happened a month after the ceremony : I clearly see a tombstone, hear muffled, childish sobs, feel the banging of my small fists against the hard ground, until they grabbed tightly a fistful of pale green, frail stems and uprooted savagely a handful of what seemed to be weeds growing in the Li clan's private cemetery. Golden yellow petals then fell slowly to the soil, stained by my own tears... I now recognize these wildflowers as buttercups. If only I knew, they seemed a presage to the change that was going to happen in my life, my heart and my soul...

The week after his interment, the whole family was plunged into grief, I had no one to comfort me, to tell me the world wasn't crashing down, breaking into millions of pieces... When I was finally old enough to understand it, mine already did, too long ago. As time passed, mother became more and more distant, my sisters more and more annoying, my cousin Meiling more and more clingy, and all the others... more and more respectful. I, as the only son of the now late leader of the clan, has been naturally chosen as his successor, forced to train harder and harder in order to be worthy of this title, both physically, mentally, and most important, spiritually : the clan has always been renowned for its members' magical abilities. My training started immediately after the traditional period of mourning, I had the best teachers, but also the most intransigent ones. If there were still any joyful thoughts left on my mind, the daily exercises definitively threw them out.

I don't blame anyone for what happened, not that I can. I knew mother still cared for me and my sisters, but something broke deep down in her heart the day father left us down there, setting off for a journey to a place beyond our reach. I had to take my responsibilities. I know this sounds strange coming from a four year old, but I somehow understood that mother would soon get tired, for she had to be the leader until I was sixteen, officially authorized to claim my title. My guess was right, mother passed away the year I turned fourteen, from exhaustion, from having to make the wisest decisions for the clan's future, from fearing to fail the trust placed in her. She was a strong woman, one of the strongest, but fate took her only love from her and placed his burden upon her shoulders, and that finally got the better of her. Her duties as matriarch took all her time, and when, on seldom occasions, I got to see her, she seemed almost a stranger to me, someone I wouldn't even recognize as my cheerful, optimistic and loving mother if there wasn't those little things hinting at the past : the way she still wore the ring father gave her on their first anniversary, how silently she walked, a talent she had used to surprise me when father was still alive, laughing as I was startled by her sudden presence behind me, as if she appeared from nowhere... As my training was complete, the clan's elders decided to make an exception after a long debate considering the pros and cons, and I was accepted as leader a month later.

Father, when he left this world, took with him a part of me : my happiest memories, my colourful dreams, my most secret wishes, and my childlike, carefree nature.

_As I pulled out those golden buttercups, I bid farewell to my far too short childhood..._

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Here I am now, fifteen years old since two months, standing on my balcony in the middle of the night because I couldn't go back to sleep, I just had a strange dream. How puerile. But something about it kept nagging me, a weird feeling, a feeling that it wasn't just a dream... It wasn't special in any way, there was just a voice speaking to me, calling me... A voice I never heard before, neither masculine nor feminine, holding the wisdom of the ancient ones, but also the innocence of a newborn child. It asked me :

_"Do you believe in the existence of hope ?"_

What was so strange about that simple question ? _**The fact that I didn't know how to answer...**_

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Finished !!!! looking at the clock 1:48 ??????? -; Guess I'd better go to sleep before my parents notice... Will update this afternoon ! I hope that wasn't too boring to read ( hopeless, I know ). Same line again : please tell me what you thought of it !

_Ja ne !_

_ Lazuline Violet  
_


	3. Solitary salvias

Ohayou minna-san ! I'm here to annoy you my endless chatter again !!!! To my reviewers : I think I currently AM developing a serious case of narcissism... It's going to be sooo terrible... as I truthfully don't have a thing to be proud of !!!!!! I actually have to pray I won't fail you !!! :) Thank you for all the courage and confidence you gave me !!!!!!!!! 

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**_Thanks_**

**Feathers1** _- Thank you so much for sticking to my story !!!!!! It seems that my last chapter was too boring for my other three first reviewers... I'm really glad my tip concerning formatting was useful to you, and that the time I passed formatting my own story wasn't wasted... I didn't know if the formatting also showed on other computers or not, I never knew how this site functions before writing my fanfic '-';... Me, a mentor ?????!!!!!! Wow, I think you are overestimating me... I am not that great :' )   
P.-S. Don't ever say " I wish I could write like that" again, please. Your style is different from mine, but that's only normal ! We are all unique and special in our own way !!! My specialities are impulsive writing ( due to my weird mind ), and floral language ( sorry if I am sounding boastful ) So, if you really like my story, please promise me one thing : don't try to imitate others just because you think they are great. You are a good author too, and you must try to succeed by improving your own style, not imitating others. I must sound a little bossy, but this is a just a friendly advice, as I like to express freely my thoughts, prefer telling the truth about them. Good luck and update soon !!_

**sakura-star2** _- Thanks, thanks, thanks, and yes, you did flatter me a LOT :' ) Good luck for your fanfic ( even more luck if it is on hiatus ! ) and your future best-selling novel !!!!! ; ) You know, launching directly into the story might be done on purpose, that's a style of writing I use sometimes... But only when the following paragraphs explain fully the situation ! That's why I didn't use it for "The colour of cheerfulness", I wasn't sure if I would be able to update fast enough... I didn't want readers puzzled and ignoring the continuation of my fic just because I didn't write enough explanations : ) I am not talented enough to have many readers sticking to my story, so I couldn't afford that risk. I read the first two chapters of Wish-Chan's fic. You are right to say it is really well written, but my writing really can't compare to that !!!!! I don't even use English fluently ( two years of lessons in a French school ) !!!!!!! I will have to work very hard in order to reach a level somewhat near to hers !!_

**Animekid9** _- Thanks a great deal for the praising, and for the update, I hope that was fast enough ! But don't ever say " I wish I could write like you" again, please. I read your CCS story, and so far I found it wonderful ! Much luck, and update soon !!!! _

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Anyways here comes the second chapter !!!! If you didn't like the previous one, I seriously doubt you will prefer this one '- Focus on Tomoyo, inner point of view !

**Disclaimer** : Card Captor Sakura belongs to Clamp, Kodansha. I don't have any right over the original creation.

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**_Symbols used in order of appearance_**

**Plants**

- salvia ( flowers : purple, blue ) - _I think of you_  
- hydrangea ( flowers : depending on the acidity of the ground, may be purple, blue, pink or white ) - _thank you for understanding_  
- iris ( flowers : purplish blue, yellow, white ) - _good news  
_ - purple hyacinth ( flowers : -hyacinth in general- purple, blue, pink, yellow or white ) - _sorrow_  
- heather ( flowers : lavender, white ) - _loneliness  
_ - anemone ( flowers : mauve, dark fuchsia, white ) - _desertion, sadness  
_ - sweet pea ( flowers : mauve, pink ) - _goodbye, departure, thank you for a lovely time   
_ - wisteria ( flowers : pale violet ) - _complete trust  
_ - forget-me-not ( flowers : purple, blue ) - _don't forget me  
_ - delphinium ( flowers : blue, purple, pink or white ) - _nostalgic love  
_ - periwinkle ( flowers : purple, blue ) - _modesty, fidelity in friendship_  
- dandelion ( flowers : golden yellow ; seeds : transported by the wind, brown with a feathery whit egret ) - _wishes come true_

**Note**. I read a lot of fanfiction based on CCS. In most of them, some adjectives keep coming back, for example concerning the characters eye-colour ( amber, emerald, amethyst and sapphire ). I didn't like that. Don't get me wrong if you use them frequently : those terms are indeed poetic and well chosen, but as more and more fics use them, I think they are becoming a sort of CCS fic clichés... So, when I started writing this fanfiction, I promised myself that I won't use these words, and if I have to, it will be as rarely as possible. As Tomoyo's gemstone and colour, I will keep the amethyst, but I will use its other name : the oriental sapphire. I think it suits her well ( sorry if you don't feel the same )... September's birthstone ( Tomoyo's ) is sapphire, but all colours in sapphire : that includes blue, purple, aqua, white and even pink. It symbolizes peace of mind. Amethyst's meaning is sincerity.

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_I will always like the heights of summer. Perhaps because it is the season of vacations. Every year, at the beginning of July, mother would be less busy with her work and have some time to keep me company. Summer... The time when hydrangea shrubs start to bloom, when late hyacinths and heather start to wither... To me, the season of heartfelt happiness, portended by irises, bringers of happy news._

_July passes quickly, always too quickly, and soon comes August with its anemones of porphyry, though it still is summer, mother's work can't wait anymore. The morning she has to leave me alone with my bodyguards again, I would always wake up early and, as she still lays in Morpheus' embrace, put on her nightstand a bouquet of fragrant flowers : sweet peas, wisterias, and forget-me-nots... That's how I told her what I wouldn't be able to say without crying : "Good bye, thank you for that marvellous time, I trust you to not forget me..."_

**The shade of loneliness**** - _Chapter II : Solitary salvias_**

Mother has always been my only family. I don't have any memories of my father, which is quite normal since I never knew him. I don't even know his name... My time with mother is too precious to waste by asking her questions about the past, besides, having her with me is wonderful enough to make me the happiest child in the world. One would ask : why ? Because she is my mother. I can't explain that. The bond we share was even more strengthened by the absence of a father, an absence that I don't really feel : I never knew what was a father.

Our flawless joy lasted until my fifth birthday. The toy designing company mother had founded two months ago started to get bigger and bigger, a total success. I was happy for her : why wouldn't I be ? Because little by little, so slowly that neither of us noticed, mother was more and more taken by her work, having less and less precious moments to share with me. But I didn't know it at that time. When it dawned on me, all I could do was cry myself to sleep at night, when she wasn't there, because I didn't want to ruin her career by a childish behaviour. However, no matter how busy she was, she cared for me, and always managed to stop working two whole weeks per year, in July, just to stay with me. I was grateful for that, but I still missed her terribly during the whole year, going each day in the my garden, waiting impatiently for the delphiniums to bloom them wither, waiting for my mother to come back, for she was my world...

When I was eight, my life seemed to lighten again, thanks to the arrival of my cousin and soon best friend, Sakura Kinomoto. She always found the way to cheer me up with her innocent, energetic and caring nature, lifting my spirits, driving away my gloomy loneliness. The following years, I smiled wholeheartedly again. Mother was reassured that I finally met such a great friend, and could at last stop worrying permanently about me, knowing that I had Sakura-chan, Touya-niichan and Fujitaka-san to take care of me. She liked Sakura as much as I did, and I got to experience the carefree joy of living granted to young children. When she came back in July, she would bring twice as much presents, half for me and half for Sakura, exactly the same, except for the colour, mine violet and Sakura's candy pink. Those times, to me, felt utterly like a preview of heaven. When she left, it would still be sad, but she always left me something in our "secret garden", the place where I and Sakura planted a patch of periwinkles to swear eternal friendship...

But such fantastic periods were bound to end someday, and today, on my fifteen's birthday, those seven years of dreams, promises and friendship shattered like a delicate soap bubble. I was going overseas to study, whereas Sakura would stay here, the land of our childhood, that held so many of our memories, where we dreamt of a field of dandelions under a starry sky, seeds carried by a gentle zephyr, white, feathery egrets making them look like snowflakes that chose the wrong season to fall, flying away towards a distant destination, surrounded by an atmosphere of sparkling happiness...   
My plane leaves tomorrow at ten in the morning, my suitcases already packed by our numerous maids. At least this time, mother stayed with us till my birthday, the third day of September, to let me enjoy as much as possible my last months in our homeland...

I wake up as sunlight shines onto my face through the crimson curtains... I feel like I just have to go to our "secret garden", like something is calling me there. Maybe I just want to see it one last time... I run through the still empty corridors, down the marble stairs, out in the fresh air of the morning, across the gardens, not even glancing at the beauty of colourful flower beds, towards our place, our favourite place, the small plot of land where we sowed the seeds of our friendship, where, each year on that fateful day, mother left me tokens of her love...  
No one is there, I must have been wrong : I came here because I know I will miss this place, because I want to engrave this scenery in my mind, keep it in the a locked drawer hidden in my heart, along with the memories I cherish the most... Blue and purple flowers, all blooming, telling the story of years filled with motherly love and true friendship but also the tale of eras of solitude... As I lower my eyes, the mysterious hue of the purest oriental sapphires meets the tint of bittersweet remembrance... I gasp. Those weren't there yesterday when I came with mother and Sakura ! A lone teardrop glides its way down my cheek, pale from the long time spent studying in the library, as a golden leaf gets caught in my long obsidian coloured hair. I bend down to pick a flower from each of the two groups of newly planted flowering stalks, carefully holding them to my heart before running back to the mansion, a small but genuine smile gracing my lips...

They won't forget me...

_...Each year, on that day, she would always buy a pot of sage and plant it herself in our "secret garden" behind the ginko trees, saying that it would stay with me for her during the time she would be gone. I treasured those indigo flowers more than anything, because they were a proof of my mothers love for me.   
Because she always chose the salvia patens, the species that carried this special message in the morning dew on its fragile petals, those words that kept soothing me during all those years : "I think of you". _

_But this year, these flowers are even more precious, as I know the two persons whom I cherish the most in this world will keep thinking of me..._

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Those gifts made my heart lighter as I said goodbye to this place, planning to be back soon, but I still want to cry, long to hear mother's voice and see Sakura's cheerful smile. I drift slowly to sleep as the plane takes off... To regain consciousness an hour later, after a strange dream...But something about it kept nagging me, a weird feeling, a feeling that it wasn't just a dream... It wasn't special in any way, there was just a voice speaking to me, calling me... A voice I never heard before, neither masculine nor feminine, holding the wisdom of the ancient ones, but also the innocence of a newborn child. It asked me :

_"Do you believe in the existence of hope ?"_

_"I..."_

I would have said "yes", if I didn't think of those wishes I made with Sakura, those dreams of a field where bloom golden dandelions...  
What was so strange about that simple question ?**_ The fact that I didn't know how to answer_**...

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Done !!!! 23:16, not too bad for once... I'm crazy, I know : ) Next chapter : Eriol !!!!! I hope you liked this chapter ! Same line again : please tell me what you thought of it ! I won't force anyone to review by refusing to update, well, I know it wouldn't affect a lot of readers '-'; but I want to decide as soon as possible if I will continue writing fanfiction after this one. Then I would be able to fully concentrate on this... This update was really the fastest I could do !

_Ja ne ! _

_ Lazuline Violet_


	4. Regretful rosemaries

Ohayou minna-san ! An enormous thanks to my only reviewer !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Looks like my story is getting boring... I am prepared to not receiving any advices, but it won't affect my writing in any way : I posted this only to test my style, and it seems to need seriously some improving : ) My wording or my temper... I often say things that offend people, sorry for that, but not telling the truth about my thoughts won't change them, so choose to be true to my words even if it can make me sound mindless and terribly lacking of tact. But I can't and won't change, ever. 

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_**Thanks**_

**Feathers1 **- _I feel really flattered !!!! But I honestly don't think that I deserve the title of "mentor" :' ) as I only started writing fanfiction less than a week ago...whereas you did almost a whole year ago !!!! I think we all have plenty of things to learn from others, for example, I just can't set a whole plot in my mind before starting to write, out of impatience or plain laziness, but you have "everything planned out in your head" as you put in your bio... A tip I use to "put my thoughts down on 'paper'" : stop thinking, let your mind wander while you type or write, relax and you can write down everything almost exactly like you want it to be... I don't think concentrating exclusively when you write is a good method, I tried it when I just started to write, and instead of helping, it restrained my imagination, because I only thought of writing, taking it as something I had to do, almost forgetting to enjoy the floaty feeling it always gives me. Sorry, my egocentrism showed again '-'; Anyway, isn't a mentor supposed to be old, stable, wise and scholarly ? Okay, I admit that I always give to others the impression of being older than my natural age, but I am fifteen !!!! And here, as I am anonymous, I let the other part of me free so I can do whatever I want !!! Stable, wise and scholarly... In real life, some would tease me with those, as I am a hopeless old-fashioned bookworm, but I am really a happy-go-lucky, mindless and whimsical daydreamer labelled as a "weird misanthropy who always gets the best grades" just because I'm not interested in fashion, modern music, make up and boys... Wow, I have to find a cure to my "babbling illness" soon !!!!!! :' )  
Ah, almost forgot, just noticed a few minutes ago : thanks for adding me in you author alert list !_

**sakura-star2** - _Thanks for adding me to your favourites list !!! Just noticed a few minutes ago :' )_

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The comment I made in the first two chapters also applies to this one : If you didn't like the previous one, I seriously doubt you will prefer this ! Focus on Eriol, inner point of view !

**Disclaimer** : Card Captor Sakura belongs to Clamp, Kodansha. I don't have any right over the original creation.

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_**Symbols used in order of appearance**_

**Plants**

- rosemary ( flowers : blue ) - _memory  
_ - snowdrop ( flowers : white, pale green in centre ) - _hope   
_ - forsythia ( flowers : bright yellow ) -_ anticipation_

**Note**. March's ( Eriol's ) birthstone is the bloodstone or the aquamarine, meaning bravery. I think I'll opt for the second choice, at least it is blue... Maybe not, because it is a really, really pale shade of sky blue... Perhaps I'll use lapis lazuli, also called ultramarine...

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_Winter... When even time seems to stop, frozen by crystal ice, covered by a thin layer of falling snowflakes... Pure, white, unstained, majestic yet soothing, a sacred beauty almost painful by its perfection._

_Life's flow seems dulled by the intense cold : migratory birds have long ago flown to a distant land, under more clement skies, fleeing from death's freezing grasp that would cause their heartbeat to cease, their wings to go numb, their flight to be cut by a sudden fall ; plants let the immaculate snow settle on them, completely powerless, some wilting at its chilly touch, others sealing their life deep in their roots, waiting for springtime to sprout new buds while only evergreens stay unaffected by the arrival of the cold season ; beasts survive as they can, or hide to sleep until the melting of icy rime ; men prefer the warmth of their houses, not wanting to confront the hostile weather..._

_Yet, it is my favourite season, for the world falls asleep, murmuring slightly in a deep slumber, resting until spring's return is announced by timid snowdrops and confirmed by golden forsythias, to awake then filled with new strength and happiness..._

**The shade of loneliness** - _**Chapter III : Regretful rosemaries**_

My heart, when I found out that I was adopted, felt like the snow swept depths of winter, storming snowflakes running into my veins, pain rushing as raging mistral through my soul, stabbing it with sharp ice shards, leaving wounds that would take a lifetime to heal... It wasn't that I disliked my adoptive parents, it was that I loved them too much, that I felt guilty for not being able to tell them, to show them how much I wanted to thank them for raising me as their own child, for loving me as real parents would have done...

I, Eriol Hiiragizawa, known as Clow Reed in my former life, was born this time with magical powers again. My real parents, scared by this fact, asked an old couple to watch over me for a week because they had to go on a "business trip". They had no intention of coming back. These people were at first surprised that my parents didn't even call them to ask about my well being, and further that they didn't come back a whole month later. However, when they saw me making a flowerpot hover around in the house, they started to understand that I was officially orphaned. They tried to at least contact my parents, but failed. As their only son died at a young age, they decided to keep me, going through all the needed formalities to finally adopt me.

They treated me as they would have treated their son, with patience, gentleness and sometimes, severity that never lasted for more than a few hours. I was always spoilt rotten, but I didn't have a reason to act insolent or capricious ; they gave me more affection that I would have ever received from my real parents. I eventually forgot that I've not always been with them, that I wouldn't always be with them...

When I reached the age to go to school, they made sure that I went to the best establishments, where I was sure to find classes adapted to my interests. They let me take private piano lessons because I loved music. Maybe because of the calm and somewhat old-fashioned atmosphere I grew in, it seemed that I was never able to mingle with other children, forever standing out of the group, as a complete stranger. I was a child prodigy, admired from a distance by the others, but too intimidating to be accepted as an average playmate. The place I lived in didn't help my social life either, a smart area where only wealthy retired people resided : no children playing soccer on the lush green lawn or hide-and-seek among the elegant rose bushes. Everybody knew me in this district and they were all very fond of me, often giving me sweets or pats on the head that I didn't appreciate to be honest, but my adoptive parents also ensured that I had perfect manners, so I just let them ruffle my dark hair and kept smiling, skipping away when they were finished, promising to behave and greet Mr or Mrs Leselthen for them. But those were only superficial, and these people couldn't understand what I longed for, couldn't figure out that I needed friends of my age and games other than chess, golf or bridge... I didn't want to bother my parents with such requests, so I kept my wishes to myself, locking them away in my mind and acting as everyone would expect me to act : sweet and respectful to my elders, calm, mature and well brought up. I never used my magic, fearing that they would be scared by it.

My parents were the only people I trusted and loved with all my heart. Yet they never suspected my sorrow, the deep loneliness I sank in. They were proud of my grades, worrying that I might study too hard and ruin my health, already feeling guilty that I have to wear glasses, as if it was them who forced me to read all those books. It wasn't their fault, but no matter how many times I repeated that, they would still feel remorseful for letting me stay in their library for as long as I wanted, thinking I read that much because I was afraid to get low grades and deceive them. I couldn't find a way to contradict them ; I couldn't tell them I read to forget the hollow feeling of solitude...

They were planning to tell me the truth on my eighteenth birthday, but they left this world too soon, bequeathing me a letter in their will, as well as all their possessions. Gas poisoning : there was a leak in the pipes. In those sheets covered by their handwriting, they told me my real name was Hiiragizawa, and not Leselthen as I believed it to be. They wrote that they had already done the necessary to allow me to live alone with a distant cousin, Nakuru Akizuki, who gladly accepted to welcome me in her house. Now I see why they wanted me to learn Japanese. I never realised that I was half-Japanese, but how could I have ? I don't exactly look Japanese, or even Asian... That's why it wasn't difficult to make me believe I was their own blood and flesh. I felt emptied after reading that letter, that letter telling me not to grieve, to not miss them, because they would still be with me, watching over me from a place I hopefully wouldn't see before a long time. I didn't want to let go, didn't want to live without the ones who gave me warmth and love when I was abandoned by my own family ; I didn't want them to leave without knowing how grateful I am to them, now more than ever, aware that I wasn't their child, that they knew of my "special abilities" and still fully accepted me with them...

_Before leaving the house we shared during all those years, I went to the garden and took seeds from the flowering rosemaries. Weren't they your favourite plants, mother ? And fathers' too, since he married you and found out the reason of your liking for them. He said it was because of their meaning and their flowers' shade, a deep ultramarine, identical to my eyes'. I didn't know then what they symbolized, and was just embarrassed as I knew he was making fun of me._

_I learnt that a few years ago, while studying French literature with one of my tutors. I didn't gave full attention to it. I don't know why I suddenly remember all this now._

_Rosemaries mean : memories..._

_They will be memories of my childhood, for winter has come in my heart as spring left it to never return again..._

**_................._**

I've been living with Akizuki-san for two years now. Though I already am fifteen, she still treats me like a young child who permanently needs to be pampered and taken care of. I know she does it to try to cheer me up, but it is useless, therefore I always put on a fake smile to reassure her. She isn't as gullible as my deceased parents, but leaves me to be because she understands. She didn't have any special use for her small garden, so I asked her if I could grow things in it. She agreed. I planted the rosemary seeds in a corner.

I just had a dream that woke me up, a strange one, as if connected to all those little signs I noticed recently, all about something that is going to happen soon. But something about it kept nagging me, a weird feeling, a feeling that this dream was a confirmation to my guesses... It wasn't special in any way, there was just a voice speaking to me, calling me... A voice I never heard before, neither masculine nor feminine, holding the wisdom of the ancient ones, but also the innocence of a newborn child. It asked me :

_"Do you believe in the existence of hope ?"_

What was so strange about that simple question ? _**The fact that I didn't know how to answer...**_

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Sorry, sorry, sorry !!!!!!! I could have updated yesterday... But we had guests all evening... Same line again : please tell me what you thought of it !

_Ja ne !_

_ Lazuline Violet_


	5. Withering ivy

Ohayou minna-san ! Yes, I know, I am very repetitive : ) To my two reviewers : I thought I was going to get no reviews after I said I would surely finish this story even if I get no reviews at all, and that I didn't want to force anyone to submit reviews by refusing to update !!!!! I prefer having a few readers liking my story enough to review without having to than a lot of reviewers just curious about the next chapters... So thank you so, so much !!!!!!!!!! 

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_**Thanks**_

**Feathers1** - _I'm so happy that you liked my previous chapter too !!!!!! Thanks a LOT for reviewing !!!!! About my use of floral meanings : last year, I decided on a whim ( as usual ) to learn about it, so I spent a few days doing a crazy research using my free periods at school, going to the library everytime I could, mostly using books, as I don't really like researching in French on Internet due to the tons of misspellings and non-trustworthy informations. I thought that it could get useful someday, but I was overall truthfully interested, so I memorized most of it while reading, not on purpose as it isn't really an "important" thing, but just paying it attention. I didn't have problems translating the names in the previous chapters as I sometimes had lists with English, French and Latin names, but this time, I had a serious headache because of that !! Green flowers... I only know a few of them in French, but in English ???!!!!! Guess I was bound to have this kind of problems when I decided to write in a language I've been learning from French teachers '-'; By the way, oriental hyacinths mean 'the language of flowers' :' )_

**heheangel kisses** - _Thanks for adding me to your favourites list !!!!! And for reviewing !!! Here's the update ! Sorry if it was late..._

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I'm here for the last chapter of introduction ! As last main character, Kinomoto Sakura ! I think you would have guessed it anyway '-'; I had some trouble finding green flowering plants' names in English... Fell asleep on my French/English dictionnary yesterday :' ) I wanted to use flowers the same colour as the characters eyes, as it is said that eyes are windows opening on the soul... Sorry, sorry, sorry for the slow update ! Sadly, I won't be able to update again before a month, for reasons explained in my bio, if anyone is curious about it. Gomen, gomen, gomen !

**Disclaimer** : Card Captor Sakura belongs to Clamp, Kodansha. I don't have any right over the original creation.

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_**Symbols used in order of appearance**_

**Plants**

- musk pink {**note**. Pinks are a species of wild carnations, also called "poets' carnation". The flowers are smaller, with five or six petals, white, pink, purple or mixed and bloom in spring. In the CCS series, anime or manga, they are the symbol of the city of Tomoeda and Sakura's mother's favourite flowers - she was named after those flowers -, known as 'nadeshiko'} - _childishness_  
- osmunda ( flowers : red or flowerless fern ) - _reverie_  
- star of Bethlehem ( flowers : white, pale green ) -_ idleness  
_ - ivy ( foliage : green, climbing ) - _fidelity, friendship, I die where I attach myself_  
- fern ( leaves : green ) - _sincerity _  
- cinquefoil ( flowers : white with very pale green, coral, red or golden yellow ) -_beloved daughter  
_ - everlasting ( flowers : purple or white ) - _perpetual remembrance_  
- syringa ( - a variety of lilac - flowers : white, violet ) - _fraternal regard_   
- asphodel ( flowers : white, yellow ) - _regret  
_ - pheasant's eye ( flowers : red, yellow ) - _painful remembrance_  
- cypress ( foliage : dark green ) - _mourning  
_ - weeping willows ( spring foliage : light green ) - _sadness_

**Note**. April's birthstone is the diamond, meaning innocence, perfection and purity. I think it suits Sakura quite well :' ) But as the colour doesn't correspond, I will use the green opal, meaning hope and faith.

........................................................

_Rebirth... The purpose of spring, the reason of its existence. As plants start to germinate, birds to chirp, I used to feel serene and content, letting all my worries fade away with the melting snow.   
I would go to Tomoyo's, care for our secret garden, water the vivid pinks, dreamy osmundas, delicate stars of Bethlehem, and make vows of friendship on our patch of azure periwinkles. Our gardening often ended in water splashing and bubbly laughter erupting in cascades of glittering happiness. We built a low fence around our garden, to protect it from the wind, but mainly to let ivy and wisteria spread their intricate tendrils. We didn't pull up all the wild ferns while weeding because we liked how their green leaves added beauty to our precious plants, cherished for their magnificent flowers and even more for their profound meanings..._

_But those joyful times are condemned forever : to be only memories, shadows of a light filled childhood, blurred remnants of a distant past..._

**The shade of loneliness** - _**Chapter IV : Withering ivy**_

When okaa-san passed away, I was too young to know what was happening. I just remember a day when otou-san and onii-chan came back very late, as I was already asleep on otou-san's favourite armchair, both looking sad and tired but both putting on a smile as I greeted them with a faint "okaeri nasai..." Otou-san hugged me, telling me with a soft voice that okaa-san went away to a nicer place, from where she will watch over us. I said that I would miss her... They smiled, promising me that they would always stay with me, because she asked them to, because they could never leave me alone, because they love me...

They kept their promise. They surrounded me with so much affection and care that I never really felt the absence of okaa-san. Every day during all those years, there was a different picture of okaa-san in the small frame on the kitchen table, on which she always looked cheerful, loving, and incredibly beautiful... I never experienced the feeling of loneliness. They've been strong for her, for me, keeping their sorrow to themselves ; showing me smiling faces when they were suffering inside. Why didn't I notice it ? Touya, when he was teasing me, was hiding his pain by making me so furious that I wouldn't see the look of sadness flashing in his eyes. And the shining droplets on the leaves of the potted cinquefoil otou-san gave me were most probably his tears... And when, and when I told them I wanted to buy everlastings to put on her grave, what must have been their sentiments ? But for all that time, I never suspected their feelings, being naive and dense, being cheerful and athletic, staying most of the time at Tomoyo's, to keep her company as Sonomi-san was occupied elsewhere... I never understood how selfish I was being, believing in their happiness and not trying to see further in their hearts, for if I only tried a little, I would have seen them hurting, ignoring their deepening wounds to offer me unlimited affection... I didn't realize that they needed company, as much as Tomoyo-chan...

Tomoyo-chan... Always acting so calm and mature, even when Sonomi-san had to leave her in their huge mansion with maids and bodyguards. A wonderful friend, helping me with my lessons, supporting me mentally when I had to get back the Clow cards and change them into my own, when anyone else wouldn't have believed that I had magic, that all this happened because I read the name of a card I found in an old book in the cellar. She sometimes tended to be eccentric, making me weird clothes to wear while card capturing, regretting that she couldn't be of any help magically. Though she got attacked more than once by these spiritual forces, she never agreed to leave me alone, arguing that no one would be there to videotape 'kawaii Sakura-chan'. That made me embarrassed, but I knew it was because she cared for me. She had the most beautiful voice ever, but was so modest about it, loving music more than any other subject although she was talented in almost all of them. It was her love for music that required her to go overseas, to England, as there were renowned music colleges and orchestras there... I was happy for her, it was her dream come true, but she seemed even sadder than me because of our separation, the day after her fifteenth birthday. That morning, I went to our secret garden with Sonomi-san and we planted two pots of blooming sage, to tell her that we would keep thinking of her. Four days after her departure, everything that made my world of childlike fantasies flew away from me...

That fateful day, Touya was coming back from his baito, as an ice-cream vendor this time. His bicycle got hit by a car, which brakes failed. The driver died as his car smashed into a wall after knocking down onii-chan. Touya went into a coma.

A week later, we learned that he wouldn't wake up again.

When he was hit, the impact caused a vein to explode in his cranium, forming a blood clot crushing the brain, at an angle making all surgery intervention impossible. At that time, we had a choice to make : either we paid to keep him alive artificially until the clot got too big and damaged parts of his brain controlling the vital functions, or we let him go, without risking him suffering more if the clot crushed the nervous system. We were given a day to take that decision. Otou-san was completely overwhelmed by despair, he didn't have the courage to make that choice, so he told me to do it. I didn't know what to do either, I was opting for the first choice, at least we would keep his with us a little longer... But that night, onii-chan came to visit me in my dreams.

_'Sakura, you have to let me go... My time has come to go with okaa-san. Tell otou-san that I am sorry for leaving him. Remember that I love you all, you will need courage to face the truth, but I have faith in you. Good bye Kaijuu...'_

He was smiling...

When I woke up the next morning, finding a single branch of snowy syringa on my pillow, I knew what options I was going to take... Otou-san told me that I made the right choice, but onii-chan, I can't help thinking of you whenever I saw the asphodels and pheasant's eyes you sowed in the garden, for okaa-san, as I now comprehend what they meant...

_Next year, as springtime comes back, my eyes won't light up again with the shine of hyaline opal and friendly ivy : they will hold the grief of dark cypresses and the sobs of weeping willows. And my existence will lack of significance, be what it was fated to be : a mere joke, an April fool's trick, the birth of a child naive enough to believe in childish fantasies..._

**_................._**

**__**  
  
It has been another week since I chose to let Touya go. I still can't cope with the fact that I won't be teased as soon as I wake up everyday, that he won't be there to scare off any boys trying to get close to me, that I won't see his smirk ever again. Otou-san decided to send me to Hong Kong, in a prestigious boarding school, because he needed time to recover and didn't want to take the risk of neglecting me during that period. I understand. But otou-san, don't you know that I would prefer staying with you, even if you can't take care of me, to take care of you ? 

I just had a dream that woke me up, a strange one, I take a look to these unfamiliar surroundings, before realizing where I am. Constellation Academy... But something about it kept nagging me, a weird feeling, a feeling that this dream was like those prophetic ones I had during my card-capturing years, but not exactly the same... It wasn't special in any way, there was just a voice speaking to me, calling me... A voice I never heard before, neither masculine nor feminine, holding the wisdom of the ancient ones, but also the innocence of a newborn child. It asked me :

_"Do you believe in the existence of hope ?"_

I can't find anything to respond. Not after onii-chan' death, maybe not ever, but certainly not now.  
What was so strange about that simple question ? _**The fact that I didn't know how to answer...**_

........................................................

_**:::::: End of Part I : The shade of loneliness ::::::**_

........................................................

Sorry for taking so long... I'm finally done with making them suffer. Whew, that wasn't easy. I think I fixed the main structure of this fic :

- _**Prologue : Our world's lament**_

- **_Part I : The shade of loneliness  
_**

> _ : Chapter I : Grieving over buttercups  
: Chapter II : Solitary salvias  
: Chapter III : Regretful rosemaries  
: Chapter IV : Withering ivy_

- _**Part II : The tint of hope**_

> _ : Chapter I :   
: Chapter II :   
: Chapter III :   
: Chapter IV :_

- _**Part III : The hue of enchantment  
**_

> _ : Chapter I :   
: Chapter II :   
: Chapter III :   
: Chapter IV :_

- _**Epilogue : The colour of cheerfulness**_

It isn't final, but I think I like it ! Same line again : please tell me what you thought of it ! See you in a month ! Until then :

_Ja ne !_

_ Lazuline Violet_


	6. Part II Twilight dahlias

Ohayou minna-san ! Tadaimaaaaaaaa !!!!!! Gomen nasai, perdon, lo siento, dui bu qi, pardon, ignoscas quaeso : in a word : SORRY !!!!!!!!!!!! Actually, I've started school two weeks ago now... But I just can't seem to find enough time to write !!!!! And I am still that repetitive and unstoppable chatterbox ! Phew, it was hard to stay a whole month without reading or writing fanfiction... And my father only lent me his computer a few minutes to check my e-mails sometimes... Bah, anyway, I'm back and I started typing out this chapter as soon as I finished unpacking. I kept writing ( I used up a LOT of paper and ink ) but I still have to type the chapters out and use some spell-check programs... Sorry for the long wait and thank you for reading - !!!!

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_**Thanks**_

**Feathers1 **- _Thank you, thank you and thank you !!!!!! And don't even know how to put it now... But I really am happy to see that you liked my story so far. Thanks for reviewing and thanks for your e-mail. I did enjoy my vacations a lot and hope it was the same for you : ) Err, in fact, French isn't my mother tongue either : it's Chinese. But somehow, as I am in a French establishment and home-schooled by a tutor for concerning Chinese, I ended up using French more fluently than Chinese... Well it doesn't show orally, but I write and read French more easily than Chinese ( or English... ). I am a bit ashamed of that :'p Wahh, sorry for babbling again... Anyways THANKS A LOT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :' )_

**OrchidBlossom **- _I'm so sorry to have disturbed you !!!!! Really, you didn't have to review : I said I didn't want to bother people if they can't stand my writing... My apologies. __Thanks for reading even if you didn't like it ! You asked me why I wanted your advice, well I ask anyone who deigns giving me theirs because I want to improve my style. I liked yours, mostly concerning the knowledge concerning antique Roman culture, so I asked what you would think of my "work". I am waiting impatiently to read another chapter of your story !! : )_

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About this chapter : I didn't write whole chapters during my stay in France, I mostly scribbled notes and gather documents. Documents for my drawings : I needed photographs of the plants I mentioned to draw them precisely. I bought a French book in which I found high-quality colour photographs ( "1000 plantes de A a Z" by Anita and Anne Pereire ), so a part of the pictures will be drawn according to these images. I precise this in case someone accuses me of plagiarism, which isn't very likely since I will draw manga from photographs. But I don't want to take any risk. On with the story !

**Disclaimer** : Card Captor Sakura belongs to Clamp, Kodansha. I don't have any right over the original creation.

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_**Symbols used in order of appearance**_

**Plants**

- dahlia ( flowers : orange, white, dark red, yellow, purple ) - _novelty  
_- yew ( foliage : evergreen, crimson berries ) - _sadness_  
- cinquefoil ( flowers : white with very pale green, coral, red or golden yellow ) -_beloved daughter  
_- syringa ( - a variety of lilac - flowers : white, violet ) - _fraternal regard  
_- salvia ( flowers : purple, blue ) - _I think of you_  
- autumn heleniums ( flowers : deep crimson ) - _tears_

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_So this is the place I will be for now. It is known to be very hard to get in and very expensive, but a lot of people try to, because it is also the best one here. I don't know if I will be able to make it ; but I have to. High gates of gilt metal opened, a white sand path leading to a castle-like building with ogive shaped windows. Magnificent gardens surround the construction. I hope I will pass the entering examinations... Somehow, as I step pass this portal, onto the white-sanded pathway, they will close after me, locking out the memories of my life till now... This is the place that will allow me to make my dreams come true and maybe free myself from the shadow hanging over my heart and my soul, rekindle the small sparkle that once shone bright as the sun in rainbow coloured memories, far, far away in my now lost childhood... But everything that is worth acquiring has an equal price, and mine will be to stay caged in this prison of gold and crystal, far from everything I knew, and start a new life, my ancient one being the one I will breathe into my wishes... I still can't completely admit that, since my arrival here has been decided so suddenly, but I will have to get used to this idea..._

_A step, a single step to cross this threshold, and this will be my pact and my price, for a chance to accomplish what I've always wanted..._

**The tint of hope **- **_Chapter V : Twilight dahlias_**

'You called for me, Elders.' The voice was emotionless, but not as cold as those used to reply.

'Yes, Xiao Lang. It is time for you to complete the last part of your training.'

'The last part of my training ?' The tone seemed somewhat surprised.

'We didn't tell you about it until now. We made sure you learnt everything we could teach you, but there is something you need to learn by yourself. '

'We subscribed you at the Constellation Academy. It is a boarding school, so you will be coming back here only on holidays. Your cousin Meiling goes there, so you can ask her if there are things you aren't familiar with there.'

'You may go.' Before he could show his surprise, the sentence fell, sharp as a knife, cutting off all possible questions or protests.

'...Yes, Elders.' Mind filled with perplexity, he left the room, closed the door, and his light footsteps echoed in the empty corridor, slowly fading away. He didn't suspect the least that a worry-filled discussion started in the room he just exited from, as soon as his steps took him far enough...

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'TOMOYO-chaaaaan !!!!!!!!!!' Filled with emergency, the voice cried out, coming closer as a running figure approached.

'I'm here !' Standing up as she heard her cousin's call, she stopped her contemplation of a young yew shrub that sprouted in the garden a few months ago.

Panting, Sakura Kinomoto asked between sharp intakes of breath : 'Is it true ? Are you really going to "Aetheris artes" ?'

'...Yes'

A silence, not longer than one or two seconds, a moment of pure astonishment, soon hidden behind a fake smile and exuberant joy.

'I'm so happy for you ! Sonomi-san said that the school agreed to let you try entering. It is said that only the elite can have that possibility ! You're going to the best fine arts school of Europe !'

She knew there was indeed a part of happiness, but she saw right away the overwhelming grief in her best friend's eyes : her eyes always betrayed her white lies. She still pretended she didn't notice it, as she also knew she didn't want her to, and smiled, too. Unlike her, Sakura, was so innocent that she always believed what was told to her.

But as they hugged each other their masks fell ; and unknown to the other, their eyes became shinier than usual and glassy tears fell down to the damp soil, disappearing...

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'Eriol. Have you chosen yet ?'

Seated on the armchair, he was reading all the suggestion letters from different schools, set in a neat pile on the coffee table before him.

'Sorry, Akizuki-san. But I can't make up my mind...'

'First, you don't have to be sorry. Second, if you can't choose, then I'll choose for you : anyway, you've got letters from the best of the best in whole Europe. Third, I told you to call me NA-KU-RU !!!!!!!!!'

'Ah... I'm sorry.'

'DON'T BE SORRY ALL THE TIME !!!!!!!!!!'

'I'm...' He didn't continue : he was going to apologise again. She burst out laughing.

'Bah, I'll decide for you ! If you can't choose by thinking, then don't !' With that, she closed her eyes and picked a letter from the pile, making the rest of the pile fall on the ground in the process. 'Oops.'

She then opened her eyes and whistled.

'I didn't know you also got one from "Aetheris" ! There's no reason to not try there, with your talent, you will surely be accepted. And it isn't very from Aylesbury, so you can come back here easily for week-ends and vacations ! It's settled then ! We're going there by the first train tomorrow ! I'll go book the tickets !" She was skipping away filled with energy.

'Oi, A- Nakuru-neesan, the classes start in two months..."

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'You didn't have to pack so quickly, you still some time.'

'Daijoubu desu. Being me, I would surely remember something I forgot five minutes before leaving.' That implied being the one she used to be. With a forced smile, she closed her suitcase.

'Don't work too hard, remember to send your bills here, don't only eat instant noodles, phone when you have time to...'

'...Don't forget to lock your door, don't forget the laundry... It's the twenty-third time in a week, otou-san, I know. Thanks for caring so much.' The first genuine smile in a month graced her features. During this month, she'd become paler, thinner, etiolated. 'Ah, what did I say about forgetting something' She rushed up the stairs.

'I'm sorry, Sakura...' He murmured, watching her running, thinking she couldn't hear. Regretfully spoken, sincerely meant.

She came back down a few minutes later, with a book. He raised an eyebrow, surprised since she'd already read that book at least thirty times, but didn't question her on it. A car honk. 'Sonomi-san ! Domo arigatou for taking me to the airport.' She had opened the window to greet the newcomer.

'Iie, it's nothing. Can we go ?'

'Yes, I'll take my things out.'

As she opened the door to go, she turned round a last time to look at all she was leaving behind her. 'Otou-san ?'

'Yes ?'

'You don't have to be.' Regretfully spoken, sincerely meant. She ran to the car.

As he closed the door when the car couldn't¡¯t be seen anymore, he noticed something on the floor, fallen from his daughter's book, and tears came in his weary eyes. He took it carefully and went away in the house, with a lump in his throat.

In his hand, a few dried petals of pale cinquefoil, fluffy syringa and purplish salvias...

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_Are ? There is someone else trying to get in today ? I thought they only accepted one audition per day... It must be a very talented person, which I am not, but looking really stressed, which I must do myself... So, silently, I wish for luck for myself as well as for that other person... Ah, I have to go for the examinations..._

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I can't sleep... Something, something is calling me out there... What is it ? No sound, no light, just a lingering feeling... Warmth ? I get up and put on a jacket ; it must be cold outside. My steps are silent when I walk in the empty passages, enlightened only by the moonlight... I don't know where I am going, but I somehow do, my pace isn't hesitant. Doors, corridors, stairs... I hear something. Music ? At this hour of the night ? _Dolce, adagio, pianissimo_... A light, soft melody, the colour of autumn heleniums...

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_In the now silent room, the conversation restarted. Or rather, one of them spoke._

'_As the Card Mistress will also be one of the messengers of hope, she should never lose this feeling. Among the four of them, she will be the one who relies the most on it to live, so she will also be the one who suffers the most when she is about to renounce. When she does, the Cards will feel it ; and if she loses it, they will break free, because her hope is what keeps the equilibrium between their spirits. Only another messenger can remedy that, but they may not succeed, as there will be a time when all four candles are about to die out... _It ends the same way as the one he formulated for the Cards : _I hope that time never comes..._'

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Gomen, gomen... I really don't have the time to type more and I don't want to wait till next week to publish this chapter. Same line again : please tell me what you thought of it !

_Ja ne !_

_ Lazuline Violet_


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